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dolbajobNet
debilnie szybko.
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[ F.A.Q. ] |
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:: FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS ::
Questions absolutely nobody asked. Some answers are even truthful.
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:: TECHNICAL ::
Q: What speeds can I expect?
A: Up to 31.2 kbps on V.34 hardware. Softmodem mileage may vary. If you get anything less than 14.4k, your line is cursed. Or check ATA codec settings.
Q: What protocols do you support?
A: Anything up to V.34bis/V.34+. V.90/V.92 is coming whenever VOCAL decides to give us a free license.
Q: How many lines do you have?
A: 2 hardware modems (US Robotics Courier) + 4 softmodems. First come, first served.
Q: Do you have IPv6?
A: lol. lmao, even.
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:: SERVICE & BILLING ::
Q: Do I need to pay?
A: This is a non-commercial shitpost ISP running on duct tape, spite and a couple VMs. If we ask for money, someone hacked the site.
Q: What's your uptime SLA?
A: 0%. We guarantee nothing. Service is provided as-is. If it works, great. If it doesn't, complain to the void.
Q: Can I get tech support?
A: No. Read the connection guide, google things, suffer quietly.
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:: LORE & PHILOSOPHY ::
Q: Why "dolbajobNet"?
A: Inside joke. Next question.
Q: Why did you build a dial-up ISP in 2025?
A: Because we could. Also because packet loss builds character and broadband makes you soft.
Q: Is this legal?
A: On IP Telefonija? Yes. Everywhere else? Probably. We're not lawyers. Don't use this for crimes.
Q: Who runs this?
A: One guy with too much free time, a VoIP line, and undiagnosed something. (The "autism-powered connectivity" wasn't a joke.)
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:: ACCEPTABLE USE ::
Q: Can I host a website?
A: Not yet. When we enable shell access, yes. If you host crypto miners, you get banned and we will call your mother.
Q: Can I download torrents?
A: Technically yes. Realistically, a 5MB file takes 20+ minutes. If you saturate the line for hours, we will throttle you to 300 baud and laugh.
Q: What's your data privacy policy?
A: We log caller numbers for abuse prevention, and keep a 1-day rolling log of all call recordings for debugging until we move out of beta. All data is debil-grade encrypted (ROT13).
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:: TROUBLESHOOTING ::
Q: Why can't I connect?
A: 90% of the time: Wrong codec, too much jitter, or you forgot to configure PPP. 10% of the time: We're down. Check the IVR status announcement (dial 21845).
Q: I keep getting NO CARRIER.
A: Your line is trash, your modem is trash, or both. Try disabling V.42/MNP error correction.
Q: It connects but nothing happens.
A: Did you configure PPP? Did you enter the username? Did you read the connection guide? Any of it?
Q: I found a bug / the service is down.
A: Email [email protected] or call extension 8. We'll fix it when we feel like it. No SLA. No guarantees. No refunds (because you didn't pay anything).
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:: MISC ::
Q: What's the best time to connect?
A: At least one line is expected to always be available, so any time is a good time.
Q: Can I fax something?
A: The modems support fax (T.30), but the backend doesn't. If you want to fax us, send memes.
Q: Why is the website so ugly?
A: It's not ugly, it's retro. It also loads in 2 seconds over a 14.4k connection. Your bloated React site could never.
Q: Can I mirror this site?
A: Sure. It's like 8KB total. Right-click, Save As. Done.
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(c) 2025 dolbajobNet Engineering Corp.
Optimized for Netscape Navigator 3.0 and your mom
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